My Missed Conversation with John the Drummer

I was as shocked as anybody in our parish to learn that John passed away last month.
I don't know his last name. Early 40-ish, thick beard, soft spoken and always smelling of cigarette smoke.

John played conga drums at our 7:30 am Sunday church service.
If conga's seems a little out of place for the "early" service, you're right.
But our music director rarely has volunteers for that time slot and John was willing, so he became a regular.

As the parish guitar player, I rotate services and only play a handful of the 7:30's each year.
John was always very friendly towards me. Greeted me and offered to engage me in conversation despite the unseemly hour (7:00 am rehearsal...ugh).
But I wasn't very friendly back. I don't know why.
I usually enjoy the camaraderie of another musician. Whether it's the music director on piano, the flute and violin players who sometimes visit, they add so much and its more fun for me.
And I am almost always curious to learn more about my fellow musicians and the singer soloists as well.
What other types of music do you enjoy? How long have you been playing? Have any plans for the coming week?

But I never did ask John those questions, even though he asked me a few. That's why I know so little about him.
Maybe the conga drums were a little jarring for me, despite the gentle and capable way John played them. And I was admittedly put off by the heavy pall of cigarette smoke that encircled him.
Even when John would say to me after the service, "Nice job today, I really like the way you play."
I never accepted the opening to say more.

So I was as shocked as anyone to learn that the poor man had passed away at such a young age.
I'm equally troubled by how my own behavior cannot be reconciled with John in this lifetime.
I can't make an effort to be kinder to him next time. Can't apologize for treating him so indifferently.
There is no next time with John.

I won't make that mistake again...or will I?
I've asked God to help me do better and to please forgive me for not treating others as I would like to be treated. There is always more to learn, and I'm once again humbled by the stark reminder.

James Chapter 2:
"My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism.2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”[a] you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers."

What do you believe?

My Daughter and the Trip West

I just had one of those most-gratifying parent moments.
My adult daughter explained details of her upcoming road trip to Yellowstone with her husband of four years.
Without a map in hand, she described the daily itinerary and various options they could take depending on weather and driving conditions. She had a rough estimate of time at key attractions like Mt. Rushmore and knew road conditions in Yellowstone (a mountain pass is closed for the season).
She's prepared for the weather (snow on the ground, but it could quickly warm up) and they are deciding on hiking distances and trailheads they may tackle in the nearby Tetons.
Its a solid, safe and well thought out plan, with a few twists and goals that I would not have included. And that's a good thing. She and our son-in-law are making it their own, building on what she and he have learned from their early family travels.

I never sat my daughter down to say, "this is how you plan a family road trip."
She's learned that you need goals and guidelines for a successfull trip. How many miles can you travel - and enjoy - in a day?   How do you plan for as many options and possible pitfalls as possible, still knowing that you'l have to call a few "audibles."  Rain days, road closures, mis-calculations.
Its all part of the fun.
She learned all this by being part of the family. And simply living it.
She traveled the 50 states with us and gradually absorbed that there was method to our madness.
I can remember apologizing to her on a long drive through Utah when I had underestimated the hours to our next destination. We had to pound through the miles into the late evening because we were whitewater rafting on the Colorado the next day. My teen daughter said, "that's ok Dad, the hike at Zion today was worth it!"

Our kids also learn their spiritual planning insights from us.
Years of attending church on Sunday help them to learn that its a priority. You work your schedule around it.
Praying out loud together - not just saying grace at meals - provides a familiar and natural setting to have conversations with God.
Highlighting your favorite bible verses and talking about their application in daily life.
And simply saying, "I love you, no matter what," helping to exemplify what God's Grace of unconditional love means in practice.

I hear parents say, "I didn't want to force them to believe what I believe, but I'll answer their spiritual questions when they're old enough to make their own decisions."
They don't always grow up to ask those questions, and they don't necessarily ask their parents.
But they do learn as they go - if there is an example to follow, and if its combined with positive participation and outcomes.

That's why I smiled to hear my daughter describe her travel plans.
She's got it.
One of my wife and my joys in life - the family road trip - its been passed on to another generation,  fully intact and breathing a life of its own.
We didn't force that on her, she took it and ran with it - recalling how much she enjoyed learning it together with us at her side. And with Jesus, her savior.
Spiritual travel plans, for this generation, and generations to come until He returns.

"Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they grow old they will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

What do you believe?